Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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