what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
