Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
They are going to name an STD after you.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
