I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
