for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
