Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
