If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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