I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
