She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
