Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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