It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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