Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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