Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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