just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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