MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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