Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
