So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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