he shaved USA in his pubs
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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