i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
