as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
