If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
