Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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