I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
