I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
My Sexting was not on an AP level
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
