is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
