Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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