I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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