i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
