This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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