Don't you send me to vm
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
where are you?
Hypothermia
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
