if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
