Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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