I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
