So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
