There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
