so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
