I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
