Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
