i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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