Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Randomize
