i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
