she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
