hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
