New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
