32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
