Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
