I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Randomize
