At least make sure they are 18
Why
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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