I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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