I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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